Giving the world a hand since February 3rd, 2002. "If you're gonna dine with them cannibals, sooner or later, darling, you're gonna get eaten."




Comments by YACCS

 
Remember the wedding I have to attend in a week, and how I said it was bugging me? Well, I think I'm beginning to understand why....

I hate weddings. I always have. I hate them so much that I'll do almost anything to get out of attending. [IMPORTANT EXCEPTION: I will always try to attend the weddings of close friends. If I have missed a wedding of close friend, it was for health and/or financial reasons. Not everyone is considerate enough to have their wedding in my city when I'm feeling well.] For me, weddings are like Life is standing behind me, flicking my ear, laughing like Nelson from "The Simpsons" at all of the goals I haven't achieved. I am one of those rare males that wants the committment, wants the kids, wants the stability, and seeing someone else getting what I desire so greatly is like pouring salt into an open wound. Selfish, I know, but what can I do?

My friend that is soon-to-be married always seemed to me to be the ultimate bachelor. He's smart, funny, & has his shit together. He's a tremendous flirt--and a natural one, at that--and never seemed to lack for female companionship. Even if some of his flirting did seem to me to be rather like a gameshow host, he always had the touch. (I guess I kind of admired him for that.) He also never seemed to settle for any paticular woman for too long. I always assumed that I would be married long before he would ever think of settling down.

In addition, my birthday is in a little less than three weeks. I'll be 31. Not paticularly old, but no young punk by any standard. The point is that I'm not getting any younger, and in the past year or two, things have cropped up to underscore that point (e.g. a kidney stone, several near ulcers, a whole mess of grey hair, etc). I feel as if I'm running out of time, whether I am in reality or not.

What do I have to show for the last ten years of my life, other than a series of disasterous relationships & a truckload of decent furniture? Nearly all of my friends are married & are starting to have children, while I'm not even dating anyone right now. This bugs me on some deep, almost primeval level that I have yet to decipher. I'm too young to have a "mid-life crisis"....unless I'm going to die by the age of 60...?

*sigh*

Ain't I just a bucket 'o' sunshine?
so wrote Leper around about 5:14 AM

 
I just came up with a great new show concept for the FOX tv network: "When Morons Fight!" We'll get two groups of these idiots together in separate staging areas, give them some geometry problems to solve (y'know, to REALLY piss them off), and then open a door between the two rooms. The winners get WWF tickets, or 10 free mullets from SuperCuts, or something equivalent.

I've never understood the appeal of auto racing. Don't those drivers know that if they had just left earlier, they wouldn't have had to drive so fast? *nyuk nyuk nyuk*

Now, to be fair, neither side is as clever/smart/correct as they think they are, but the NASCAR fans really seem to be missing the point of the whole satire thing. I'm not taking sides on this issue, I'm merely delighting in the carnage. That said, here's my favorite quote from the whole page:

"NOT ALL NASCAR FANS ARE INBREEDING HICKS!!!!! wow what a concept!! A hick i may be but inbreeding....NO!"

Most people would be offended by being called an inbred hick, but apparently this person draws the line at inbreeding.

A close runner-up:

"Nascar is 1 of the most watched sports in america. can you go in cirlces [sic] ????? its not easy as it looks..."

Yeah, 'cause eventually you'll get dizzy & fall down, spilling your beer. *BWAHAHAhahahaha!*

Folks, you can't buy better entertainment than this.
so wrote Leper around about 11:21 PM

 
From SatireWire: ENERGY COMPROMISE CALLS FOR BURNING FOSSIL FUELS, ENVIRONMENTAL ACTIVISTS

"The burning of environmental activists will provide only a brief respite, and may eventually discourage others from becoming environmental activists," said Gallagher. "Once we've been depleted, what then?"

"Then we'll drill in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge," replied Fermat.

"Over my dead body!" countered Gallagher. "Oh... right."

Or how about: HUMANS INSIST THEY ARE NOT DUMBER THAN RICE

And in Aberdeen, Scotland, lorry driver Duncan McCann is confident he will win a chess match that began three days ago. Asked why the game was taking so long, McCann explained that the rice is using the white pieces. "I'm still waiting for it to make the first move," he said.

SatireWire sooooo kicks The Onion's ass!
so wrote Leper around about 7:44 AM

 
From the Daily Probe:

Bush Appoints Sisyphus as New Middle East Envoy

Heh.
so wrote Leper around about 5:36 AM

 
Apparently, Friday, May 3rd is No Pants Day. What is No Pants Day, you ask?

No Pants Day is a day where everyone, be they students, respectable businessmen, or cherished community leaders, leave their pants behind. Usually this means wearing thick, appropriately modest boxer shorts, but bloomers, slips, briefs, and boxer-briefs all work as well. Things like skirts, shorts, and dresses don't count, because people are encouraged to revel in the absence of pants, and not replace pants with other clothing. The point is to relax and enjoy the humor inherent in people not wearing pants.

Be sure to check out the "how can I participate" section. The one problem is living in the Midwest for No Pants Day is the chance of cold/cool weather. Not a big deal for women, but for men a potential disaster! ("Whatsamatta? Haven't you people ever heard of shrinkage?")

On May 3rd, show the world you're on top of things by doffing your bottoms in honor of No Pants Day!
so wrote Leper around about 4:50 AM

 
Once again, I can't sleep. In the process of trying to lull myself into a decent slumber, I found a wonderful piece about Robert Young Pelton, author of The World's Most Dangerous Places, on the war in Afghanistan & the lack of veracity on the part of the major news networks & the military in reporting the conflict.
so wrote Leper around about 4:25 AM

 
I have a wedding to attend in a week & a half. It's really bugging me & I'm not quite sure why. Let me think on it & I'll write more about that later.
so wrote Leper around about 2:55 AM

 
Did anyone used to read the "Justice League" comic books back in the mid-80's? Not the JL with Wonder Woman, Superman, or Hawkman. Not the totally cheesy SuperFriends cartoon with that lame-o Aquaman (So what if he can talk to fish & swim really fast? He's still lame. Check out this page & see how lame he really is.). Not the JL cartoon currently playing on Cartoon Network (When the hell did Wonder Woman have the power to fly? Wasn't that why she had that damn invisible jet?). No, I'm talking about the comic featuring such heroes as Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, the Martian Manhunter, Batman, Guy Gardner (an asshole of a Green Lantern), Green Fire & Ice Maiden, & Mr Miracle.

The reason I ask is this: I recently dusted off my copy of The Sims computer game, downloaded a couple skins so that the characters in the game would look like superheroes, & had a bit of fun. What happened kinda suprised me. My friendly game turned into "The Real World: Justice League". I had Batman, Blue Beetle, Mr Miracle, Guy Gardner, & the Martian Manhunter all living in one house. There is something surreal about watching Batman take a shower while still wearing his cowl, watching the Martian Manhunter unclogging a stopped up toilet, or watching Blue Beetle set fire to the kitchen while attempting to cook. I also tried to mirror their personalities as closely as I could. I think I did a good job, as Guy Gardner kept picking on Blue Beetle & Mr Miracle, proving that Guy truly is an asshole. Yes, great steaming handfuls of geeky goodness were had this weekend watching this computerized Darwinian trainwreck.
so wrote Leper around about 2:41 AM