Leper Messiah |
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Giving the world a hand since February 3rd, 2002. "If you're gonna dine with them cannibals, sooner or later, darling, you're gonna get eaten." I pity the fool that doesn't e-mail me! People I Like NowThis Medley Wil Wheaton Freakgirl Flit Cockeyed Hockeybird Hockey Rodent NotMyDesk rc3 Jes Golbez CjB Online Kit Up Off-Wing Opinion Divinest Sense Defensetech Strategypage Juan Cole The Poor Man Gamespot ValueJudgement The Hockey Pundits PuckUpdate Margaret Cho GU Comics Wargamer PvP Propstore Isohunt Newsy-type People Talking Points Memo Americablog This Modern World Daily Kos Blueshirt Bulletin Blacksheepnews ESPN Hockey Atrios TSN Hockey Good Stuff ScrappleFace The Digital Bits TV Picks TV Tattle Top5.com The Daily Probe FARK Authors David Brin Stephen R. Donaldson Harlan Ellison David Gerrold William Gibson Diane Duane John Scalzi Archives  
Comments by YACCS 
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Saturday, August 24, 2002
Taking a mini-break from posting. Be back Monday-ish. ....well, not so much a break as a pause, really, but still.... UPDATE: Hey, get offa my back! I said Monday-ISH! Tuesday, August 20, 2002
”WHY LOSE TRILLIONS WHEN YOU CAN LOSE......BILLIONS?” The setting is a boardroom in Dr. Evil’s Seattle headquarters. Seated around the table are Number 2, Scott Evil, and Frau Farbissina. Dr. Evil enters and sits in his chair at the head of the table. Dr Evil: Number 2, where is everyone? It’s awfully quiet around here today. *picks up cup of coffee* Number 2: Dr Evil, what with the market downturn and subsequent recession, your evil front corporations have taken a beating. In order to maintain economic viability, we’ve....had to let some people go. Dr Evil: Oh? How many? *drinks coffee* Number 2: 26,000. Dr Evil: *spits coffee* Wow. That’s a lot. Number 2: Yes, we’ve had to fire most of your useless functionaries— Dr Evil: Even the ones whose sole function was to wander around & look important? Number 2: Yes, even those. Scott Evil: Instead of firing them, why didn't you just borrow money from their 401K fund and never pay it back? You could also have slashed benefits and forced others into early retirement-- Dr Evil: Quiet, Scott, the grown-ups are talking. Frau Farbissina: Don’t worry, Dr Evil. We will not abandon you. Dr Evil: In any case, I still have my secret volcano lair... Number 2: *clears throat* Dr Evil: What? Number 2: The costs of maintaining such an impractical facility were excessive. We’ve had to put it up for sale on the open market. Dr Evil: You did what?!? Number 2: I hear that Greenpeace is extremely interested in aquiring the property. Dr Evil: Well, at least I still have my moonbase.... Number 2: *clears throat* Dr Evil: No moon base? Number 2: Our Evil Space Program was highly inefficient. The costs of lifting the necessary mass into orbit and then to the moon are quite prohibitive. We’ve had to mothball the moonbase & have sold the launch facility and equipment at auction to cover our losses in the stock market. We were heavily invested in Enron, Imclone, and WorldCom. Dr Evil: ...and my tank of ill-tempered mutant sea bass? Number 2: The Minneapolis Zoo made a very attractive offer last month. They were shipped out on Tuesday. Dr Evil: Why didn’t our accountants warn us about all this? Number 2: Our auditors were from Arthur Anderson. Dr Evil: *puts head in hands* I’m surrounded by frickin’ idiots... Scott Evil: You’re such an ass. |